Brisbane-born Perth mum Storm-Manea Ellyatt had one of ‘those’ days yesterday – a day not even wine could fix.
Her five-month-old son Kaiser-Lee is teething. He’s crying, sookie and needs to be held constantly … even though she’s in the midst of selling her house and swamped with home inspections and a TRILLION other things.
“The cute ads lied to me”
When speaking to Kidspot, she didn’t beat around the bush about things: “It was a sh*t day.”
In fact, she’s the first to admit that there have been a lot of “sh*t days” since she became a mum – but it took pushing herself to breaking point to realise that that’s an OK thing to say.
For her, breaking point came in the form of a letter to a girlfriend that she wrote while bawling her eyes out in cafe. All the negative feelings she had pent up just flowed out, and her friend not only loved it, she made her feelings feel normal.
At first she didn’t want to post it for fear of being labelled a ‘bad mum‘ … but then she realised, “Someone else HAS to feel like this, and if just one other person relates, it’s worth it.”
A letter to my people #nojudgementclub
… All those cute bonds ads, miniature Nike shoes, adorable baby shower gifts, baby spam on instagram, squad dates with your mum posse and those god damn laceylaners lied to me. Not once did I see an ad with a mum locked in her cupboard crying in her leaked stained pjs from 3 days ago, covered in sweat and vomit, praying to every god imaginable for the strength and patience to go back to the shitshow that is now their life.
And the irony … everyone hates it at one point or another but you have to remember that hating it out loud is a kick in the face to everyone that would give everything for a moment of “hating it.” So you post the photo, you cliché your status because your hashtag loving it hashtag mumlife hashtag soblessed … and when there’s no cameras, no people and no judgement you let out the loudest F*** YOU … although it’s under your breath, or screamed into a pillow, or yelled from the foetal position of your cupboard because your little one’s finally asleep.
Source: Storm-Manea Ellyatt
The young mum, who moved with her partner to Perth four years ago, realised the only mum friend she really has is her sister, the only family she has in Perth is her brother-in-law, and most of her friends don’t have kids and aren’t in the same life stage as her.
In short, she’s raising a child without the typical ‘village’ … and it sucks sometimes!
She tried to go to a mothers group, but found the mums there were not her type of people. They listened to her vent about the parts of motherhood she hated, all the while waiting for the ‘but’ to come. For Storm, the ‘but’ wasn’t the point.
“Every mum deep in their heart loves their child … but (in my Facebook post) I made it a point NOT to write ‘Of course I love my child’ or ‘It’s still the best job’ – because in that moment, that’s not how I felt.”
“Your life on social media is cultivated … and that’s fine, who wants to say it’s tragic or sad? But people need a safe space to say what you really need to say.”
We are just SO glad that when Storm turned to Facebook to share what she needed to say, it was a safe space. She opened up and got nothing but a wave of love and support in return.
Source: Storm-Manea Ellyatt
Today was a better day
Since letting it all out, Storm can already feel a difference in herself: “Posting it and sharing it and getting all that love back – that really picked me up.”
“Last night was sh*t again but I looked at him (Kaiser) lovingly and said … the fact that thousands of women are out there hating their child right now gives me strength to love you more.”
Yes, her bub is still five months old. Yes, he’s still teething and yes he’s “hating on her”. But now she’s taking her own advice and learning to be comfortable with the snapshots of life that aren’t so pretty.
And we’re going to take on that advice too.