In a new interview with Rolling Stone, Halsey has broken down to reveal details of the distressing miscarriage she had last year – right before she was due to go on stage.
The 21-year-old singer behind break-out hit ‘Ghosts’, told the magazine how she had gotten pregnant on tour – and before she could comprehend her situation, the baby was gone.
She recalls screaming on a hotel bed, covered in blood and naked from the waist down, saying “I have to cancel this show!” But the response she got wasn’t the tender, caring one you’d expect. The budding popstar was told, “Well, it’s Vevo LIFT, and it’s 3 million impressions, so …”
Her assistant was told to go out and purchase adult nappies … then Halsey put one on and began making her way to the venue.
Nobody forced her, she technically made the choice. But it felt more like an obligation rather than a passion.
Halsey’s album Badlands debuted at number 2 on the Billboard charts.
The show must go on
“It’s the angriest performance that I’ve ever done in my life,” Halsey told Rolling Stone. “That was the moment of my life where I thought to myself, ‘I don’t feel like a f*****g human being anymore.”
After the show finished, she went outside and threw up.
She may have been young, her home life is a notorious shambles, she may have previously referred to herself as a “f***ed up stoner”, and she may have had zero idea about what she wanted from her unplanned pregnancy – but the thing that bothered the artist most is that her career was dictating all of her actions and it was affecting her badly.
“I want to be a mum more than a pop star”
While she can’t say for certain, she’s fairly sure it was the fact her lifestyle was so exhausting that caused her to miscarriage. “I wasn’t drinking. I wasn’t doing drugs. I was f***ing overworked.”
As someone who throughout the course of the interview talks about everything from her bipolar disorder to substance abuse, it’s clear that her miscarriage came as a harsh reminder for the singer that she needs to calm down and slow down if she ever wants a child to be a possibility.
Later in the interview, Halsey can’t seem to drop the topic. “I want to be a mom more than I want to be a pop star. More than I want to be anything in the world … I’m really scared of being alone.”
We can’t help but empathise with the young star. She’s gone through an emotionally horrific ordeal – one that’s hard to deal with even when you have all the ‘normal’ grieving time. We are glad that she’s now comfortable to share the truth of her situation with the world, and we hope she’s found the closure she needs.